The night before the surgery I slept 3 hours. His parents got in around 4 am and we met them at Ihop for an early breakfast before we had to be there at 5:30am. I got strawberry banana French toast and maybe took 1 bite. I barely talked, just watched Trevor walk around Ihop on the phone with his brother in Chicago.
The drive over there was terrible. I wanted to cry so badly, my heart ached to be leaving Trevor so soon. But I had to be strong for him, to show him I was going to be okay. It would make things easier for him. He started singing the song we sing when things are going badly..."Everything little thing..is gonna be alright...don't worry..." I smiled at him. He said, "Marybeth, I'm not scared. Either I wake up and see your beautiful eyes, or I wake up and see Jesus. I'm okay with either."
He had another scan before they prepped him for surgery. When he came out they had shaved little dots into his head and drew circles. I think it was slowly sinking in more and more just what was happening. We went into this tiny little room where they were going to prep him, and I brought his family back 1 by 1 to say there goodbyes. Then all of a sudden it was time for him to go. I didn't realize I wouldn't be going to the next place with him. I didn't even get a chance to talk to him really, or say anything. We walked out to the waiting room, him in his white robe and IV pole, and I hugged him and he whispered, "You or Jesus." And then he walked away. He didn't look back.
I turned to the waiting room and it hit me with full force that I was alone. It was only Trevor's family there so far. I didn't cry, but oh how I wanted to. I wanted to run down the hall and hug Trevor one more time, and make sure he knew how much I loved him. But I gathered up my things and we all walked to our own private waiting room where we would be the next 6 hours.
They gave me a beeper so that I would know what was happening. I wish they hadn't. When it went off and the little light started shining next to the words "Procedure started" I almost threw up. All I could picture was them cutting into his head. My love's precious head.
Dr. Abassi's nurse called me every 2 hours to let me know how progress was going. She said it was taking longer than expected to cut the tumor out, but I was just grateful for her happy, reassuring voice. I knew things were going well if someone who was in the room with him sounded like that. 6 hours actually went by pretty fast. I held myself together and just prayed. I read over Psalm 91 about a billion times and walked the halls by myself. Finally, Dr. Abassi was done and came to talk to us. He said everything went just amazing.
He said there was a little part of the tumor that was attached to a blood vessel of the brain stem, and he didn't want to cut it for fear of cutting the brain stem. He had to burn that part as best he could. He said there's a possibility there could be microscopic cells left behind, and we may have to go back in and do treatment to kill them. He also said that when I saw Trevor, he might look a little funny because they weren't able to take the breathing tube out just yet. He wasn't awake yet.
I sat there for two hours after he left, wondering where the nurse was or why my beeped wasn't going off. I finally hunted a nurse down and they were so sorry my beeper hadn't gone off. He was in the ICU ready to be seen. No breathing tube. I praised God silently for sparing me that sight.
I almost ran to the room. I couldn't get there fast enough. He was alive! He had made it through! I walked into his small ICU room and saw him laying there...he looked like he was sleeping. But the nurse said, "Trevor, someone is here to see you." And he slowly opened his eyes and saw me and kinda half smiled and slurred, "I love you..." and I just ran to him and kissed his face and grabbed his hand and started telling him what a good job he was doing and how amazing he looked. He was so out of it. My heart felt as if it could take no more, and as he slept I stood over him and just wept silently. It hurt so bad. I couldn't do anything for him when he started vomiting or when he got really angry because they wouldn't let him have any fluids yet. I just held onto that hand and prayed and smiled whenever he looked at me. I figured that if he saw I was okay and not having a mental breakdown, that his recovery would go smoother...
The hardest part was leaving him. For anything. To pee, to eat, to sleep. I almost camped out right there in the ICU room that first night. But I started having contractions and had to be checked out 1 floor up on the women's center floor. I almost had Jeremiah that night but somehow he decided to wait a few more days. I was bound and determined for Trevor to be there.
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