I'm pretty sure over the course of that first year, we broke up and got back together every month. Of course every break up was totally devastating and the end of the world.We struggled quite a bit with raging hormones and keeping our eyes on the Lord. But we loved Him so very much, and desired to live godly lives, so we broke up whenever we "messed up" and tried very hard not to become a distraction to each other. It finally came to a head after my graduation. I told him it was over. For good. It was serious this time.
That night was so hard for me. I desired to please God with all my heart. But I loved this boy/man and just knew we were meant to be together. Yet I decided that it was time to choose. No longer could I offer myself to two gods. I walked away from him that warm June night, not knowing when I would ever see him again. I went off to college, pushing my love for him into the furthest reaches of my heart.
My first year of college was difficult, to say the least. I moved 6 hours away from home, to a state I had never been to, to a college that I didn't even understand the denomination, and to a life that was completely void of anything remotely familiar. I didn't make friends easily. I skipped class. I wrote in my journal and just cried and cried for months, feeling lonely and rejected. My heart ached with love for Trevor, and it had been 6 months since I had even talked to him. I was slowly sinking into a deep dark pit of depression. Tons of stuff was resurfacing from my past, and finally I completely broke.
In God's sovereignty He led me to an amazing Christian counselor only blocks away from my college dorm. For several months she walked me through some pretty tough stuff from my childhood. I faced demons I had run from for years and finally felt God's healing hand upon my heart for the first time since I had accepted His free gift of Love as a 7th grader. I cannot fully explain the impact that great woman of God had on my spiritual/emotional life, but God used her and her divine wisdom to create in me a restored heart. It's not fully restored yet but I'm a whole lot closer than that first year of college.
I started preparing for a mission trip to China. I fell for a Christian guy who was completely on fire for God, and who just so happened to be the only other person going on this mission trip with me...hmmm...interesting. *rolling my eyes* I was such a silly girl. But at least my eyes and heart were slowly making their way off of Trevor. I felt my heart letting him go bit by bit.
And then this Christian guy who was completely on fire for God and I embarked on the journey of a lifetime...
|College group heading out for the night- 2007|
To be continued...here