Thursday, September 23, 2010

Continued..."Oh High school relationships"

I'm pretty sure over the course of that first year, we broke up and got back together every month. Of course every break up was totally devastating and the end of the world. 
        We struggled quite a bit with raging hormones and keeping our eyes on the Lord. But we loved Him so very much, and desired to live godly lives, so we broke up whenever we "messed up" and tried very hard not to become a distraction to each other. It finally came to a head after my graduation. I told him it was over. For good. It was serious this time.
          That night was so hard for me. I desired to please God with all my heart. But I loved this boy/man and just knew we were meant to be together. Yet I decided that it was time to choose. No longer could I offer myself to two gods. I walked away from him that warm June night, not knowing when I would ever see him again. I went off to college, pushing my love for him into the furthest reaches of my heart.
           My first year of college was difficult, to say the least. I moved 6 hours away from home, to a state I had never been to, to a college that I didn't even understand the denomination, and to a life that was completely void of anything remotely familiar. I didn't make friends easily. I skipped class. I wrote in my journal and just cried and cried for months, feeling lonely and rejected. My heart ached with love for Trevor, and it had been 6 months since I had even talked to him. I was slowly sinking into a deep dark pit of depression. Tons of stuff was resurfacing from my past, and finally I completely broke.
           In God's sovereignty He led me to an amazing Christian counselor only blocks away from my college dorm. For several months she walked me through some pretty tough stuff from my childhood. I faced demons I had run from for years and finally felt God's healing hand upon my heart for the first time since I had accepted His free gift of Love as a 7th grader. I cannot fully explain the impact that great woman of God had on my spiritual/emotional life, but God used her and her divine wisdom to create in me a restored heart. It's not fully restored yet but I'm a whole lot closer than that first year of college.
            I started preparing for a mission trip to China. I fell for a Christian guy who was completely on fire for God, and who just so happened to be the only other person going on this mission trip with me...hmmm...interesting. *rolling my eyes* I was such a silly girl. But at least my eyes and heart were slowly making their way off of Trevor. I felt my heart letting him go bit by bit.
            And then this Christian guy who was completely on fire for God and I embarked on the journey of a lifetime...

College group heading out for the night- 2007

To be

Young Love

          It was the Fall of 2005. The first day of school, the buzz of excited students returning, the shining, smiling faces. As I sat in Art Class, I was filled with joy. I had just gotten back from Northern Ireland, where God had refined and shaped my heart in ways I still can't quite comprehend. I had also ended a serious relationship that summer, I was on fire for God and ready to begin this last year of my high school career serving Him and declaring His Word.
          As I sat in the chair, I observed the room around me. I was one of 3 seniors taking this beginners art class. I loved art though, and didn't care. I noticed some familiar faces, friends from last year. Then I saw him.
          He was skinny, had spiky hair, and was flirting relentlessly with the beautiful blond sitting next to him. I almost moved on, uninterested and rolling my eyes. But then I saw the bracelet he was wearing. "WWJD?" it proudly proclaimed. Hmmm...there weren't many Christians in my school, and I was suddenly interested in him as a friend. I had no idea his name, his grade, really anything about him.
           It took me a few weeks to get up the courage to invite him to Youth Group. I caught up with him in the hall after class one day and told him about this meeting we were having that should be lots of fun. He said he'd have to get a ride, and ask his mom. I found out he was a Sophomore and still 15.
The next few months were a whirlwind. After that first church meeting we started talking on the phone. What were short conversations about needing a ride to Church became 5 hour long talks about anything and everything under the sun. I remember taking him home one night and just wishing he would hold my hand. I remember not caring about his age because his maturity level far surpassed 90% of those in my senior class.
            On December 15th, 2005, Trevor told me he loved me in the parking lot of Runza Restaurants. We weren't dating yet, but we were 'in love.' I had brought along my folders containing all the items I had collected for my future husband. He told me he loved me, and asked me to be his girlfriend. I took 2 hours fighting with myself about it, but in the end, I confessed my love for him and my fear about relationships, and handed over that folder, completely sure we were going to one day get married.
     Our love was strong and we dreamed about our children, picked out names for them, and were always together. We were best friends and soul-mates. We had finally found each other after so much pain and grief from past relationships!

To be